And i leave before as long as i will.

Let me hear you call my name.

More than words.
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Always at the limits in th midst of everything, 18.
No regrets of the shits in life that made me stand to where I am now.
ITE College East, floorballer, capoeirista.

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Meeting you wasn't perfect at the start.
But the change that hits me whenever I'm with you matters.
My boyfriend, my bestfriend, my class buddy.
I love you, sweetheart.


You know you love me, too.
Layout is by Cia: (Blog | Acc)
Icons/banners are from: Stopthetime / Reviviscent respectively.
Links inspiration are from: Alissa. xoxo
"I do but I say I don't"
Sunday, October 5, 2014

I'm selective.
Not selective socially but selective on my own. 

It sounds the same but....... whatever it is.

Here I am sitting with my laptop over my lap feeling so messed up. This may be the most personal blog post I've ever written which I would consider to delete or private it once I publish it or maybe not. Idk? I'll shall see. So I'm feeling so messed up? Why? Why? Why? Honestly. I. Don't. Know. 

Maybe it's the 3 a.m feeling where i'll feel like the most loneliest person in the world because Irfan won't stay up late even if I would want him to. You know that feel of being worthless all of the sudden. It happens often but i don't really express it out till today. I don't know what is wrong here neither I don't know what is wrong with myself. Things triggers me and kicks me back to square one that I can't even help myself but to blame every shit I did wrong even if it's not.

I remember things. I don't forget things or mostly words that made a move in my life. I really fucking don't. I can't forget. You know what made it worst? Now. When i'm alone. Everything will kick in back in me. People who says I'm this.. People who says I'm that... Why are you bla bla.. You are bla bla.. I don't want to remember. I don't want to replay all this that has been stuck in my head for so long.

I'm easily hurt by words even if I look like I don't give a single fuck. I face out to be stronger because i'm weak in this. It depends on who the person is. I can just feel so sad out of the blue and suddenly remember everything back and cause me deeper sadness which could literally made my chest so fucked up in pain. Maybe this is why.

I can't control myself neither no one else could. It is so helpless to feel this way that I sometimes feel.... to end this so much sadness. I don't know what's wrong. 

Social people.

"It takes two to clap"

I'm a person who's intact, a person who clings. What's mine is mine, now I may sound selfish but that is the way I am. I'll bring out different reason to meet someone new. I'm willing to go home instead of hanging out with unknown people. Don't get me wrong, i love meeting new people but I don't need tons of friends realizing i can depend on only few people. Maybe that is why the people that I put my full trust on and being protective over is those people that I've known more than 5 years. Things will work out if you work with me. I'll probably walk out from people life if I don't see the reason to stay. I'm willing to stay if you're willing to stay, i'm willing to find every way for us to be together if you work along as a team. 

Tuesday, September 16, 2014
I've started school heck months ago.
And the thing is......................

I'm too busy to even update, its like an abandoned blog.
But i'm sorry, i may abandon a little while more, or no?

But yeah, photoshop.
My only aim now is to learn illustrator and i'll feel complete.

That's all.

I care about my future.
Monday, February 17, 2014
At little update in what i'm doing right now.
Thought I would be free since I'm not schooling for not, but no. 
I started working @ Quiksilver as a temporary full time

Schedule too packed, my work schedule wasn't fixed so my weekends is my weekdays as well.
Well, i have these tons of question on why did I chose to go to the school that i've got into.
 For real, i won't be going to higher nitec, so, farewell ITE it's been a pleasure.

As you guys might know I am accepted to Lasalle College of the arts.
Yes, there goes all my friends would be like why? The fact that i have no art background.
I never took arts during secondary school, except basics sec 1/2 times.

With 4 artworks completed in 12 hours, 6 artworks done everyday after work till late night.
I myself didn't expect to be accepted with my two weeks old portfolio.
Needless to say, with the tough brainwrecking two fucking hours of interview,
I could just thank Allah for his blessings and made me into th school.

Little might know how much I'm into certain kind of arts.
It's just that I don't bloom out my interest and share it with my friends.
Self learning, random drawings, doodles in books, decorating diaries, all those small stuffs.
That's what i occasionally did during school or outside, the rest..........

It'll be a fresh start for my new school, start from zero, start from scratch.
I could just say that this is my life motto  -
It doesn't matter, just keep on trying. How slow paced, how far behind you are, You're willing to try and strive hard to prove those teachers and people who used to look down on you the fact that yoou're academically weak in your general studies. You have strengthes & you have weaknesses. Just stand up, carry on and don't look back. Don't stop in things that you love doing, don't admire it but work on it because in the end it is you who'll be planning out your own future.

Saturday, November 23, 2013
I know I've abandoned my blog for a while, but whatever it is, i'm back for real.
Basically I'm a free lady now because I'm officially an unofficial graduate.
Graduation next year February 2014 :')

Time pass by so fast.
So now i had to decide my path, which I decide to leave.. ITE.
Maybe? I'm able to go to h. nitec but...........

Whatever it is, here's a video taken for my performance @ Marina Bay Sands

You're so much more to me than you think
Saturday, November 9, 2013

I appreciate every single things.
You did every thing to make me smile/ laugh.
You're so much more to me than you think.
So don't feel bad for yourself dear.
I'm the one who should be the one feeling all bad.
Because I don't share what I think through the nights.
I wish i could. 
But i wouldn't want to.
The reason why is because you're not in my shoes.
I rather keep my own.
Even I can't handle my own emotional.
It kills me whenever i'm through my own mind, thinking.
As long as i'm happy with you whenever you're around me,
Everything is gonna be alright.
I'm trying to.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

 (Awkward me)
Saturday, haji lane, exploring cute cafes.
Maison Ikkoku, is one cute cafe and has th awesomest atmosphere.
Chilled Music, nice lightings, relaxing, smores pies, vanilla latte.
Cute cupcakes awaits outside.

Video soon.

Halloween Night

Pretty Darn Good Friday Night!
USS Halloween Night with my love, enjoyable queueing up in heavy downpour.
Shoes are soaked with rainwaters, pants are soaked as well, wet hairs, wet clothes.
Despite having a poncho that is goddamn 3 bucks, but emergency...well. 

i luv u.
Saturday, October 12, 2013

Happy 13th Monthsary, belated tho.
I still love you.

Little expectation
Friday, October 11, 2013
Expectation of everything, perfectionist, things should go according as what i planned in mind.
Characteristic i've had, i've lived by, adapted by my parents, high expectations, oddly choose one.

No ideal for cancelled plans unless i'm too fucked up tired to ask again.
I'm fast in leaving if i find things is a waste of time, or go differently.

In doubts of leaving my little "interest"
Not sure if it's because i've loose interest or just hate the fact of the way of communication has been.
Yes, hate is a strong word, and yes i'm emotionally using that word.

How amazing fast their respond is.
How amazing that cliques are forming.
How amazing that we're getting closer like "Ohana"

Ohana, doesn't leave anyone else behind. No one.
It's like since away had begun, it starts falling, collapsing, theorically.
I won't know if you all would even understand the way i potray i've typed but i could only say this :

It's not a good thing i've potrayed.

I'm not sure if the current communication has been down the drain.
Sorry for this, i've grown in teaming up sports game so i've expected this w you all
Initiative, proactive, supportive, where is it?

I see none. It's always Manual, which is disgusting.

I had this choice of leaving.
I chose not to, even if i had to choose between floorball & my interest.
Polite. IVP, i've pushed my big chances.
Why? I chose my interest.

Even if i purposely play all shit and didn't turn up on the days for my floorball selections,
just because i wanted to continue and practice for my interest.
Needly to say, i feel like i'm losing my interest as well.

To think it over i could just persue my floorball,
since i was 9-12 and i started back last year 2012, 4 years of no floorball.
I've chose my 1 year little interest over my 6 years floorball.

But now, i want it back, i always want to be back for floorball.
But i chose not to because of this, how enthusiastic it had been last time.
With situations like how it is, i'm in doubts of leaving.

I shall just stick to one, as i always had no matter what it is.
I don't wish to waste anymore time and effort,
unless things would change i would consider to stay but for now,
I'm sorry.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

East Coast w my luvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Check out my lilttle mini videography!
Choose the highest resolution for better quality (1080hd)


Lacking of updates.
Literally lack to the maximum levels.
But whatever it is, i'll be back soon, miss me when i'm gone :') jk.
Attachment ends in a months or so, fuck yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Fault In Our Stars.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Asides then being all shitty today, here's my today read.

The Fault In Our Stars - John Green.
Can I say how devoted am I towards this book, seriously.
It's funny, it's wonderful but mostly it's sad. I mean really, it's depressing.
The way they phrase all the words in one sentence with emotions.

I'm not sure if it's a really extremely good book or is it me that haven't been reading for years.
 I mean the last time i completed a novel was when I was 15.

"Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you."

Absolutely a good phrase to describe this novel. 
Really shut my own world out to read this even if i had to babysit my nephew.
Near the end, i almost cried. Maybe i did but not much, my first actual grief for books.
Some of phrases/sentences are really powerful and deep.

"But I will say this: When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientist to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him " - Isaac.

Pretty sure that's the most heartbreaking sentence.
To say out to his dying bestfriend as an eulogy. 

Long enough.
Saturday, September 14, 2013

Pree hecked up with work right now till i've no time to even update my blog. Well asides then that, i'm left with 2 months of internship! Ahh, th freedom awaits me, lurking around the corner. *winks 

Ok so basically, had really good Saturday with my silly love, to celebrate our belated 1 year Anniversary which fell last Wednesday but apparently interns have to block our way from meeting each other. So yeah, only solutions... Weekends. Would thank him for treating me lunch @ Sakura Shabu Shabu Charcoal Grill & Buffet which locates at Marina Country Club. Do you know how deep th place is?! And we missed our shuttle bus back to Seng Kang and the next bus will be in 2 hours time i mean what th hell.. So we cabbed. 

Oh! He surprised me a Guess Charm Bracelet, i mean it's cute. Super to be exact, it's adorbs *.*  Wore it on the spot th whole day, hehe because i love charm bracelets. Well he could surprise me and i don't when i gotten for him a shoe but i can't hide it because th reason are obvious enough that my bag can't fit a big paper bag. So i gave him th moment we met, bahaha.

So sad thing happened during that day skirt..................there's black grease..... I mean do you know how it felt to use a brand new skirt and then a bloody hell grease appeared up on your skirt th worst thing it can't be removed easily so that moment i went fml. So yeah, luckily we're at vivo, and H&M saved my life somehow that i bought a dress which i had th wrong size and can't be exchange because i told th worker to cut away th tag. 

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